Nobody is Coming

One of the most valuable phrases I've been able to embrace during my healing journey is "Nobody is coming." I didn't just absorb it from one perspective either. It took on a couple of different meanings for me but somehow it always pointed me back to myself. Let me explain.

Lesson #1 - Nobody is coming to save me

Surviving childhood trauma helped me to eventually come to the conclusion that nobody is coming to save me. Not the teacher, the pastor, my parents, the court system...none of them. Life can be difficult. It certainly isn't fair, but in some way or another I had figure out how to navigate it. It was up to me to decide how my story would end. Nobody was coming to save me.

I am nothing if not a stubborn mule! When I get my mind set on something, I do it. I let nothing stand in my way. After years of not wanting to live another day I was finally able to flip the script for myself and decide that not only did I want to live, but I wanted to live an audacious and joyful life! (Know your worth and ADD TAX!) Except I made that decision while I was clawing my way out of decades of grief and pain. How in the world could I ever live with audacity and joy if I couldn't stop breaking down? If I was struggling just to function at work? Social interactions were even more taxing.

I turned a corner when I was able to deconstruct the beliefs of my childhood. As an evangelical Christian for 40 years, it was engrained in me that I was a "worthless rag". I was nothing on my own and there was nothing valuable in me or about me. Once I deconstructed that and realized that I am worthy of all the good things in the world simply because I'm human, I was able to feel that fiery spirit return to me. Understanding that I not only have inherent value but I also have talents that can be used to help other people was a game changer for me. (Cue stubborn mule!)

Once I started down the path of my self love journey I have mostly felt unstoppable. Of course, I have those days where I feel emotional and that things are off-kilter, but I have to say that those days are very few and far between. I spend most of my days creating and dreaming about ways that I can use what I have to help other women to discover who they are. In that way, me choosing myself and committing to this self love journey was me saving myself. I just had to stop waiting for a lifeline from someone else.

Lesson #2 - Nobody is coming to get me

Truthfully, I have survived things that most people thought I couldn't. I don't say that to get your pity or to boost to my ego. There are just many reasons I shouldn't be here and that's the sad reality. I say this as an affirmation to myself that there is nothing that can happen in my life that I cannot handle. In fact, I've probably already survived worse. Back then I didn't have the personal power, confidence, language, money, or emotional intelligence to always navigate things in the most ideal way, but I always found my way through regardless. My track record for overcoming is stellar! I can trust myself with whatever comes next.

Taking the time to fully digest the fact that nobody is coming to get me has transformed the way I live my life. Nobody is coming to harm me. I am safe. I no longer live in an unstable environment where I don't know if I can trust adults to protect me. I have built my life intentionally and I am fortunate to have a healthy and safe living environment now. I can trust myself to make adjustments, if needed.

Nobody is coming to be mean to me. I am struggling to recall the last time someone said something to my face that was mean or derogatory. Of course, I've heard through the grapevine that people said negative things about me but I can't remember the last time someone came to me on their own and was rude or mean to me. Seriously. It just doesn't happen. I have tried to sort out if that's because people are intimidated by me, but I also realize that I never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. That's not to say I'm perfect. I'm FAR from that! But I never do anything to hurt someone else, even if they have done me wrong. It's just not the way I operate. I typically see things as projections and am happy to clear up anything I've said or done that didn't land as intended. I don't have to worry about being bullied or talked down to in any way. Fortunately, people just don't typically do that to me, but I also know I can handle it if someone gets a wild hair and decides to! :)

Nobody is coming to tell me to sit down and be less. I'm sure people have opinions about me putting myself out there on social media, but not a single person has said anything negative to me about it. I take that back. One person did and they were speaking from a place of pain, so I just let it go. Nobody really cares how I live my life, so why not just do all the things I want to do and stop worrying about what others think? I like that plan far better than playing small!

At some point in the last several months as I was coming to a full understanding that nobody was coming to get me, I noticed that as my mindset started changing, so did my body. In the past I've had issues with a tight neck and shoulders. It's as if I was always bracing for something. Always taking a defensive stance. Now that I deeply understand the concept that "nobody is coming to get me", I can relax a little. I don't always have to be on the defense. I can just enjoy this moment without being clouded by any uncertainty of the present, worries of tomorrow, or the grief of the past. It gives me freedom in the present and, if we want to get down to it, that's the only thing we really have. Be present!

So, if you have been struggling with the worry that nobody is coming (in whatever aspect), I just want to encourage you to really dive into your self love journey. Building love and admiration for yourself and all that you are capable of is a total game changer. It allows you to go from a state of reacting to everything the world throws at you to proactively making your life what you want it to be...because you know who you are and what you are worthy of. You choose the rules of the game and you get to build it in a way that is kind to your mind, body, and nervous system. So, decide what you want and move toward that.

Don't wait! Nobody is coming to save you or to stop you. The world is your oyster!