The Chapter Where I Bet on Myself

Thirteen years ago I started working at a local college after spending a few years at a major university. I was excited for the new challenge and immediately jumped in with all of my ideas and was embraced (mostly) at every turn. I was quickly labeled as a mover and a shaker and I truly enjoyed bringing that energy to my work every day.

A large part of me thought that I would retire there. I have loved so much about the continual learning and evolution, but recent years have turned me a little sour as the bureacracy heightened and it started to feel more corporate and less heart-led. I also started feeling more cognitive dissonace as I taught Business courses, but refused to bet on myself in business even though I had plenty of ideas.

In the last year I have been digging deep to figure out what things have been holding me back. I finally realized that the imposter syndrome that had been my constant companion my entire life was keeping me from pursuing my dreams. I've always been a calculated risk taker, but my self-doubt prevented me from even seeing the possibility of doing anything outside of the "security" of this good-paying job and the excellent health and retirement package. I worked hard for all of that. So many years of sacrifice to earn advanced degrees and in the everyday work I performed. It was hard to think of giving all of that up and having blind faith that things would work out if I chose a more unconventional path.

Ultimately, I realized that spending the last 10 years building one of the top college prison education programs in California while teaching behind the wall has changed me as a person. I am watching all of these students thrive, dream big, and never give up. Their faces light up when they present business plans to me and my heart swells with pride as they work out all the details and logistics, knowing that nothing will become tangible until they are able to get to the other side of that gate. But it doesn't stop their enthusiasm or ability to imagine what it might all look like. I realize now that I am able to walk out of that gate at any time and, yet, I have kept myself in my own prison by allowing imposter syndrome to keep me from dreaming of more. So, in honor of myself and my students who inspire me every day, I am choosing to bet on myself! I submitted my resignation and will be officially self-employed on July 1, 2026!

I have been dreaming of the concept of House of Reina for at least 20 years. It's everything I needed as a penniless and afraid single mother. Supporting women and making sure they feel seen, held, and supported without having to prove they are worthy first is a fire that burns deep within me and I have no choice but to feed that fire. I believe that women do best in circles (as evidenced by indigenous practices), that intergenerational wisdom and embrace are critical for survival, and that the return to matriarchy protects future generations. So, it's my intent to use my time and any talent I may have in pursuit of that cause.

I don't know how everything is going to work out, but I have a certainty that I am capable of making it as I tap into my intuition and my heart of service. The future may be uncertain, but I am resting in the knowing that it will all unfold as it is meant to. What's meant for me cannot miss me!

Michelle